Now I Become Myself

Last week I mentioned that I was feeling torn. Torn between revealing too much about myself and being less than authentic. Here's the post if you missed it-

My Facebook friend Ivan Kos said- 

"You are talking about your Ego ,and this is far from being you. And secondly, why are you worried about past experiences. Nothing can be done about them, so leave it to God. My suggestion is to watch the thoughts more closely and don't let them dwell on the past and don't let them project into the future."

To which I responded:

"I am not worried. Leaving the past in the past is very easy for me. I simply want to feel that I'm living true to my Highest Self in the present. I do agree with you Ivan that what I'm talking about is ego, more specifically my feelings are about me correcting misconceptions that I have allowed to exist, or even caused to exist, because of my ego.

As synchronicity would have it I came across this article today that shed some light on some of the issues at the root of my ego driven decisions-"

My sister said this-

"You are a good man who has worked hard your entire life to provide for your family. You are baring yourself to the world thru The Greatest Gifts of All. You are allowing all of us to look in and share in your journey of self discovery…you can and are doing that; you do not need to share every intimate detail. We all have decisions we have made in the past that affect our lives today. Some of those choices may have been better than others but living with the consequences is part of learning the lessons we need to learn.

You have always stated how important it is to use words to frame situations in a positive manner. It is one of the gifts you have…sometimes it is annoying for those of us who want to wallow in sadness or despair…but that simply is not who you are. You are always making the best out of any situation and who you are, and the life you live, is proof positive that you are authentic.

You are allowed to keep a part of you to yourself. You do not have to give us everything. There is no need for Santa to be naked to the world.

I admire you. I respect you. I am proud of you and all the good works you have done throughout your life."

To which I responded:

"Thank you."

I think I understand what May Sarton meant when in the beginning of Now I Become Myself she wrote:

"Now I become myself. Its taken time, many years and places; I have been dissolved and shaken, worn other people's faces."

Now, after 60 years, I'm becoming myself. Or perhaps more accurately, I'm no longer wearing other people faces 


(except Santa's of course). I don't want to craft an image of me that people will like, I don't want to contrive, I simply want to be me, the best me I can be, and let the chips fall where they may.

Years ago a heard a seminar leader say "fake it till you make it", I took that advice. I did fake it and in many ways 

I did "make it". But where does faking it stop? In the context of the seminar leader the faking it was pertaining to business success, things like driving a nice car, wearing a nice suit, speaking the language of success and all of the other accoutrements that telegraph success. Of course all of that is fine… and I didn't "lose myself" in it… but I do feel that I cultivated an image, and today I want to not do that. I just want to be me… no excuses and no faking anything.

With that I'm going to put this topic to rest for a while.

SO, what are you up to? Are you dealing with any issues? Wanna talk? Call me 541-941-4840.

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